Sports, the Universe & a Healthy Dose of Cynicism in Portland

Luol Deng wonders… Does Anybody Care?

It’s okay, Luol. Sometimes meat is murder

I got to thinking the other day. About that time I was in the hospital. You know, last playoffs. The time I almost died from complications of a spinal tap. Did anybody really notice. Did anybody care?

I feel like I’ve had a solid career. I’m a professional’s professional. I know my teammates like me and I come to work everyday and I give it my all. I don’t make documentaries about doin’ it. I just do it.

I feel like I’m the backbone of this team but I’ve only made one 2nd All-Defensive squad. I’m all about glass-half-full, but Kobe was on that squad. No offense, but we would have been about as locked down as Chad Ochocinco’s twitter account.

Anyway, the Bulls didn’t want to extend me. I guess I don’t deserve that. I tried to talk to Derrick about it, but he was busy with all those diamond and cupcake commercials. And then his other knee fell off.

That's Luol Deng???

That’s Luol Deng???

I got to thinking — Maybe the NBA doesn’t need me. I have other interests. I like beekeeping, although this whole colony collapse disorder has gotten me pretty bummed out.

I wish I didn’t know about all these sad things, but I do and I don’t know how to un-know them. Ignorance is bliss, they say.

I raise my own rare breed pigs too. I named them Carlos and Kirk after my teammates. I got them hoping I’d make prosciutto, or maybe a different cut like Speck or something, but I can’t bring myself to slaughter them anymore.

They just want to be a part of things and I’m okay with that. They’re kind of taking up space and generally giving nothing back to anybody, but I don’t want some slaughterhouse to get a hold of them and return them to me in frozen packets. I just want peace for them. For everyone.

"Peace, buddha, Peace for all, I say."

“Peace, Luol. Peace for all, I say.”

It’s so much sometimes, isn’t it? If I could play defense for the whole world, I would. I feel like I’d do it pretty well. Sure, there are things no defender can shut down, but with my length and footwork, I like to think that list is pretty short for me.

Still, I’m stuck with dying bees and hapless pigs and my own team barely seems to notice me. Jimmy’s playing pretty well, so I guess the writing’s on the wall.

Everyone will probably miss me when I’m gone. Joni said it it pretty well before Adam Duritz ruined it.

Don’t it always seem to go?


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