Sports, the Universe & a Healthy Dose of Cynicism in Portland

The Most Swaggiest Man in the World

I don’t always cut&paste in preview, but when I do, it’s pretty terrible

In a past life, he was Kobe Bryant.

His guess is as good as yours, but his shot is better.

For him, it doesn’t take two to tango. Especially not on a fast break.

He’ll always take a shot in the dark. And he’ll make it.

His basketball imagination is more important than his basketball knowledge.

Two wrongs never make a right. Two of his shots, do.

If he needs a helping hand, he’ll look for it at the end of his own arm.

He doesn’t fill his box-scores up. They fill themselves up.

In drastic times, Swaggish measures.

He doesn’t always pass, but when he does, he prefers to get the ball back immediately.

He is…

The Most Swaggiest Man in the World.

Nick Young, ladies and gentleman.

Swaggy P.

The Lakers beat lost to the Supersonics Wizards last night, but most importantly, Swags’ box-score filled itself up.

So in honor of Thanksgiving tomorrow, I think we should acknowledge the lack of basketball Nick Young brings to the sport of basketball with a Swagsgiving Feast.

As far as box scores go, Swagsgiving stuffed it, actually.

He had a solid two rebounds, a hair down from his usual 2.1 RPG.

As a 6’7” NBA player, you only have to stop trying so hard sometimes.

Swaggy P also managed to pass the ball AT LEAST three times and had 3 assists!

That’s up from his usual < 1 APG (.9) he gifts the game of basketball (and his teammates) every night.

Swags had his gems, as always. A few snazzy fadeaways, as well as a two-on-one that he turned into a one-on-one — Big-Swaggy-Style.

He got Swaggy-with-it too; although when he tried to take it hard to the hole, he was dominated by…

The Polish Hammer! Marcin Gortat! Jen-koo-ya very much.

Instead of getting back on defense, where he would be of less-than-zero-use anyway, Swaggy complained to the refs, swagging his nose in swagtastic pain.

Martell Webster – Swags’ man – obvs nailed a momentum-killing three. To make it extra Swaggy, Swags let the same thing happen the next possession as well, only there was no crying and no complaining, just a whole bunch of not fighting through screens and/or trying.

Just like that, it was 88-80 Wizards instead of 82-80.

Look, I’m all about a good one-on-one game. I like Kobe because he’s better, plus he can actually pass and seems slightly more willing.

He’s refined with Swaggish age.

Once cantankerous – now suave and well-Instagramed – I never saw it coming.

He stole my heart.

To be honest, Nick Young isn’t a bad basketball player.

He’s about average, but this article by an unemployed guy who has 2 Twitter followers (up from last week’s one) is probably more attention than his skills deserve.

Anyway, I hope that Nick ages like Kobe. I hope Swaggy P lives on forever, even if his basketball skills (or lack thereof) don’t.

Seriously, have you seen the guy smile? It’s like he’s living every moment like it’s his last. I guess that’s why he shoots so much too.

I’m not sure what to make of that sexual assault lawsuit though.

Real eyes, Realize, Real lies, I guess.

Just so long as you know it goes both ways, Swags.

I guess I don’t trust anyone anymore. That’s on me, probably, and my abandonment issues.

But in a world where I can’t judge, I hope that Nick Young is Swaggy P, and not Rapey DB.

I love life, so I’m just gonna hope that everyone ever isn’t just a shitty person and a date-rapist.

Ill believe in the goodness of humanity, and the ability to find Swaggy-Sunshine in every dark corner.

Until then, pass the basketball.


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